Football season is ready to roll

Oh, we are tantalizingly close to football season.

To me, college football season is the greatest of all sports seasons, because it is the only one in which my wife will not pull rank when I open the windows at 9 in the morning and blare "Sweet Home Alabama."

Yes, as many of you know, I went to the University of Alabama, and football season to me is as important as water is to a fish. (These last few years, Alabama has taken it easy on the rest of the country to lull them into a false sense of security.)

While football is fun in and of itself, rivalries are what make the difference. And for the last few years, I have lived next door to an Auburn fan, which means that beginning this Saturday, we cannot speak to each other for the rest of the year.

Kidding, of course. We speak even more during football season, since he and I both love to argue the truly important matters of the world, such as whether or not Brodie Croyle is the world's greatest quarterback. (He is.) Also, I still owe my neighbor. Big time. A few years ago, I looked out my window and saw that, butting up to my yard, he had planted rye grass that had come in just as he had planted it, printing a big, bright green "WAR EAGLE" facing my house. Well played, Auburn fan. Well played. (I applaud his knowledge of rye grass, since it sprung up right before the Iron Bowl.)

I still have not figured out a good comeback to his grass attack. (One college friend of mine's suggestion: "You have no choice. You have to burn down his home." I think that's a little much. But I am not opposed to painting it a nice crimson color.)

My brother-in-law also looks forward to the upcoming season, but he's a South Carolina fan, I try not to listen to him. This is not easy, since he refers to me as his "good luck charm." He says Alabama lost to South Carolina the last two times they played, and that I was there with him for both losses. I don't recall this, and am pretty sure he is just making up stuff. Nothing this catastrophic could possibly happen in the world.

I am also fortunate that, unlike some husbands, I do not have to work to secure football free time. My wife went to Alabama, too, and she is one of the more rabid fans you will meet. Doubt me? Tell you what -- walk in front of her during a game. Do it. I dare you. Our first date was an Alabama game. Actually, I would bet about 75 percent of our dates have been Alabama games. She doesn't want flowers or diamonds. She wants a spot where she can watch the game and the Bear Bryant portrait straightened. And she wants Dennis Franchione to lose every game for eternity. Bless that woman.

Because things have changed just ever so slightly since college, we don't make it to many games these days. Truth be told, even we do go to games, we usually don't actually go to the game. "But, Mike," you're saying, "why would you drive all the way to Tuscaloosa to watch a game on TV?" Simple: (1) Tickets are not free (2) We spent roughly 80 percent of our college life a the Houndstooth sports bar and (3) bars have bathrooms without lines and waitresses who bring you beer.

This year, we are heading up to the Alabama-Florida game, and we again will not be attending the game. You see, my fraternity is having a bit of a reunion that game, and a band that was popular in college is going to play the fraternity house. They're going to have a big-screen TV at the house, and we plan on securing a couch spot early and hanging out with people I haven't seen in a long time. And my wife and I get to go back to the time we met, in that very house, many moons ago. It was a beautiful time of serendipity: Boy meets girl. Boy asks girl out. Girl says she's got a boyfriend. Boy asks again. Girl says, "No, seriously, I've got a boyfriend." Boy continues for next six months. Girl finally stops going out with boyfriend. Girl gives boy phone number. Boy loses phone number. Girl gets very, very mad. Boy says he SERIOUSLY was going to call. You know, that old tale.

Bama kicks off the season this Saturday against perennial powerhouse Middle Tennessee State. Amazingly, this game is not on television. But I will no doubt find a station on the Internet to tune in the Tide. Come on over and listen with me. Just don't block my wife's view of the speakers.