Curiously entertaining

I knew it was going to be fun taking Parker to his first movie when I asked him what we would see the movie on and he said, “TB?” (I speak Parkerese, so I knew he meant television, not tuberculosis.)
Parker’s almost three, and this would be his first trip to see an actual, big screen performance. Allie was about this age when we took her to see her first movie, “Finding Nemo.” She enjoyed a good nine seconds of that movie before deciding to roam the aisles, play horsey on Daddy’s leg, try and pry Skittles off the floor to eat, etc.
But Parker’s different. Allie is like yours truly. Sitting still has never been a strong suit. (I will pause for a moment to allow any former teachers reading this to catch their breath after screaming themselves into near-hyperventilation, “NOT A STRONG SUIT?!?!! YOU THINK!?!?!?!”) But Parker can just chill out for hours. When he was about a year old, my wife came downstairs and saw Parker and me hanging out on the couch.
HER: What are you doing?
ME: Watching a movie. Parker’s just been relaxing the whole time.
HER: Is that Pulp Fiction?
ME: Relax. It’s on cable. They edit a lot out.
HER: Seriously, is that Pulp Fiction?
But the point is, he could sit and hang out perfectly still, even watching a movie that, quite frankly, is confusing. So I was eager to take Parker to his first movie, knowing that there was a good chance he not only had a great time, but also sat relatively still. And the timing was great, since a movie had just come out that was perfect for The Dude: the remake of the horror classic “When a Stranger Calls.”
Ha! Kidding, of course. We went to see “Curious George,” as Parker is a big fan of the books and of monkeys in general, partly because I told him that his sister is a monkey we found, and we shaved her and cut off her tail. (The older she gets, the less funny she find this. I am guessing come, say, prom night, it could result in full-scale meltdown.)
When we entered the movie theater, the first thing we noticed was a line at the concession area that stretched roughly to Cincinnati. I told Parker that we would come back shortly for popcorn, as the previews would soon be starting, and he needed to learn that previews are an integral part of the movie process. We entered the theater and I was pleased to see that there were only about six people in the place. And then I started walking down the aisle and realized that, in fact, there were WAY many more people, but that most of their heads did not make it over the back of the chairs. We kept walking, just looking for two open seats, which we did not find until the very first row. I turned to Parker. “Well, I guess these are our seats.” He was not listening. He was busy staring, mouth agape, at the biggest stinking “TB” he had ever seen.
“What do you think,” I said.
“Ge-oooooorge,” he whispered.
The movie, I am pleased to say, is the theatrical equivalent of a warm blanket. It is faithful adaptation of the books. As one review said, “If you like primary colors, you’ll like this movie.” It was a pure, innocent, kind, easygoing movie that Parker -- and everyone in the theater, so far as I could tell -- loved. Plus, the soundtrack was by Jack Johnson, so the formerly hip and cool parents could say out loud, “Yeah, just enjoying some Jack Johnson.” And then get back to secretly enjoying Curious George.
Oh, and we did get popcorn. Right as the movie was starting, I scurried to the lobby to grab a popcorn and a couple of drinks. I got two medium drinks, which was really not smart, because a medium movie drink would be roughly the equivalent of all of the liquids Parker had consumed in his entire life. Parker further illustrated that my choice of drinks was off when he discovered he could not hold it himself, dropping it on the floor and flooding about 18 gallons of Sprite onto the floor. Every mother in the theater was looking at me as if to say, “Why would you get him a medium?” Every dad was looking at the floor saying, “Ack! That’s $6!!!”
Drink crisis aside, the movie was a great treat. For the last 15-20 minutes, Parker opted to climb in my lap and lie down, but that’s partly because we were on the first row, and had been staring straight up at a giant monkey for an hour. In all, he proved that he is definitely game for the theater. I can’t wait to take him again. I wonder if they’ll re-release Pulp Fiction onto the big screen.