Agree to disagree

It was time for another talk. My kids and I have these talks a lot. They’re both very good kids, but being the wise, sage dad I am, I feel it necessary to impart my wisdom. My wife, being the wise, sage mom she is, rolls her eyes and sends the very clear message, “Kids, let him go. It makes him feel important.”
We’ve had a lot of talks. Some are about how to treat other people. (“It doesn’t matter if it’s funny, some people DON’T like wet willies. Especially that police officer.”)
Sometimes it’s about how we act in public. (“Pants. On. Now.”)
Sometimes it’s just about the little philosophical things in life. (“Oh, because unmade beds make all of your teeth fall out.”)
This talk was more about sibling relationships. In a tender and gentle voice, I said, “CAN YOU TWO PLEASE AGREE ABOUT SOMETHING!?!?!?”
Allie said yes. Parker? Nope.
They are at the stage where disagreement is a sort of sport. Among some of the disagreements of late:
– I decided to treat them to lunch out last Saturday. I asked where they wanted to go. “McDonald’s!!!” Parker said. “Chick-fil-A!!!!” Allie countered.
– We were making breakfast the other morning. Allie: Waffles! Parker: Pancakes!
– I told them they could go play outside for a little bit before bedtime but had to pick the front or back yard. Allie said front. So Parker picked back.
I was not going to be able to convince the sides to come together, so I simply made a neutral ruling, in the above instances: Burger King; cereal; on the roof.
I know siblings are going to disagree on occasion. It happens. I have three older sisters. We certainly didn’t agree on... well, anything. I shifted my life lesson to thoughts on compromise. And here’s where Allie had the big issue.
ALLIE: Why do I always have to do what HE wants?
ME: You don’t.
ALLIE: Yes, I do.
ME: No, you don’t. But you’re the big sister, and sometimes you let your little brother have his way.
ALLIE: But he always gets his way.
ME: No, he doesn’t.
PARKER: Yes, I do.
ME: You’re not helping.
I see Allie’s point, and we work hard to make sure she’s not always conceding to the whims of Parker. There are plenty of times when we endure some hemming and hawing from Parker because of the catastrophic event of letting Allie pick out grape popsicles. Reasoning with him on that is always fun, too.
PARKER: I don’t WANT grape!
ME: Well, Allie gets to pick this time.
PARKER: It’s not FAIR!!!
ME: You’re right. You pick out a flav...
MY WIFE: HEY!
ME: My bad. Allie picks.
ALLIE: HA!
ME: You’re not helping.
There are other ways I am working to avoid disagreements. For example, if you offer only one decent alternative, they have no choice but to agree. For example, for dinner: “You can have hot dogs, a pile of dirt, or the insole of my tennis shoe.” Of course, Parker is a 5-year-old boy, so you have to be careful on daring him to a gross-off.
We tried for a little while to work on letting the kids compromise, but we quickly learned they had teamed up their disagreements to get more loot.
This became clear when we were debating on where to go dinner one night. Allie said O’Charley’s. Parker said Red Lobster. Allie then said, “OK, we can go to Red Lobster tonight, and just do O’Charley’s, say, tomorrow night.”
It didn’t take long to realize this was a devious little plot they had conjured up, so my wife and I are migrating to a more sensible approach: Don’t let a 5- and 7-year-old be involved in decisions:
– “You can play out front if you want to, but if you even look at the backyard, I give away your toys.
– “We’re going out to eat. You will know where when we get there. And if you complain, you go to time-out in the kitchen while we eat in peace.”
– “There is actually no difference in any popsicle, as it’s just sugary, gooey frozen yech, so just take whatever gross flavor it is and move on to something important, such as whether Spider-Man could beat up Strawberry Shortcake.”
Don’t get me wrong. My kids aren’t always at each other’s throats. They do get along most of the time. It’s just that sometimes siblings have differences of opinion. It’s the nature of being siblings. Granted, my sisters don’t agree with that, but what do they know?