My daughter has gotten to the age where she is starting to have sleep-overs with friends. Which means my son has begun his intense Little Brother training.
Allie is 7, and Parker is 5, which means (a) Parker really wants to play with Allie and her friends and (b) Allie and her friends really don’t want Parker to play with them.
I know this well, as I am the Little Brother. I have three older sisters, so I had three times the opportunity to torment them and their friends. I recall one of my sister’s less tolerant friends responding to my delightful hijinx by spitting a mouthful of milk in my face. Crude, but effective.
To be fair to Parker, he just wants to be part of the action. And to be fair to Allie, there is no reason she should have to include him in the action and have said action be on his terms.
For example, I made dinner for everyone, and being the super awesome cool dad I am, I told them they could eat their pizza in the den and watch some TV. I told Allie’s friend she could pick what they would watch. Because it is genetically hard wired in 7-year-old girls, she is limited to only choosing “Hannah Montana” or “High School Musical.” (I currently have the song “Fabulous” from “HSM2” stuck in my head. For those of you with young daughters, I apologize unleashing that earworm on you. For those of you without young daughters, I recommend you not try to figure out what I am talking about. Think of dentist’s drills or Rosie Perez cackling or anything. Trust me.)
So anywho, Parker decided they should watch “Diego” (which, ironically, stars Rosie Perez). I told him no. He told me, through his subtle body language, that this was not exactly the answer he was looking for. (Said language including lying on the floor, stomping his feet and then barking, “I...WANT...DIEGO.”)
The urge is always there to say, “Girls, just switch to ‘Diego.’” That’s a problem on numerous fronts. First, you’re rewarding a temper tantrum. Second, you’re going back on letting the girls have their choice of shows. And third, you’re inviting Rosie Perez into your home, which is a tremendous “Lost Boys” style mistake.
So I did what any good parent would do. I locked him out back and turned the music up loud. Ha! Little abandonment humor there.
Actually, I took Parker to his room, where he continued to plead his case. For what’s it’s worth, if he’s ever to be an attorney, he really should work on a better delivery. Pounding your fists, clenching your jaw, wrinkling your brow and saying, “I..JUST...DON’T...WANT...MY...CLIENT...TO...GO...TO...JAIL...” probably isn’t that effective.
Once I calmed him down a bit, we had this conversation:
ME: Parker, has anyone ever gotten their way in this house because of a temper tantrum?
PARKER: (staring me down, taking a deep breath) No.
ME: Do you think today is the day you START getting your way with a temper tantrum?
PARKER: Um...yes?
ME: Try again.
PARKER: No.
ME: So, what should we do?
PARKER: Not watch “Diego.”
We didn’t even get into the fact that “Diego” is Tivo’d and can be watched whenever. I figured not to push the issue. In a matter of a few minutes, he was downstairs, watching TV and enjoying some pizza, taking a few minutes out of his busy sister-harassing schedule.
As Allie continues to have friends over to play, I am sure the dynamic will continue to be interesting.
They will play with dolls. He will take one hostage.
They will put on music for a “dance party.” He will replace it with a CD of insect sounds.
They will try to jump rope. Parker will tie them up.
Ah, the joys of little brothers. Here’s hoping none of her friends likes milk.
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