Can it

Do you know how hard it is to find a cool trash can?
Based on the blank stare, you do not, in fact, even have a good idea as to what a cool trash can is. You and the entire retail world.
My quest for a cool trash can came the other day when I was helping Parker clean his room. And by “help” I mean “clean,” as a 5-year-old set off to clean often gets distracted by Matchbox cars, toy dinosaurs, air, etc.
I noticed some trash behind his door. I held it up to Parker and we had this exchange:
ME: Why didn’t you put this in the trash can?
PARKER: I don’t have a trash can.
ME: OK, but there are plenty of trash cans in the house.
PARKER: But I don’t have one in my room. And the trash was there.
ME: But ...
PARKER: If I had a trash can, I’d put it in there.
ME: Let’s got get a trash can.
So we set off on a quest for a trash can. I asked Parker what kind he wanted, and, as I have rather obviously foreshadowed, he said “a cool one.” I, of course, knew exactly what this meant, as I am clearly one of the four coolest people in my house. We were looking for a trash can adorned with Alabama football, Spider-Man, or, ideally, Spider-Man playing football for Alabama.
The first store we went to was very lean on cool trash cans, unless you consider white or silver to be cool. I asked an employee if they had cool trash cans. She stared at me blankly. I said, “Cool to him,” pointing at Parker. She said, “Oh, for kids!” and directed me to a nearby aisle. There I found a trash can sporting Troy from “High School Musical.” There are several reasons why this was not a cool choice.
The next store we went to is a store that specializes in items for your bed, your bath and even places beyond that. I asked a salesperson if they had cool trash cans. She told me they had quite a few cool trash cans and began to walk me toward the section. I added, “You know, like Spider-Man kinda-cool.” A very apologetic look came across her face. Unfortunately, the “beyond” did not reach cool-for-kids trash cans.
We hit several more stores, each time striking out. (We did ease the pain with an ICEE at one store, but I have to say that while the blue ICEE is a fine ICEE of which I have no major issues, the absence of Coke ICEEs is a sad state of America. I want my children to grow up in a world where the ICEE machine churns Coke ICEE.) I finally decided to head to the mall, figuring we could strike out much quicker with the stores closely grouped.
We went into a sporting goods store, and I asked the employee if they had trash cans. She quite politely extended her hand and said, “I can take it for you.” I told her that I was actually looking to buy a trash can. She looked at me as if I were odd. No, they did not have those.
Our final stop was Sears, where we did not find any trash cans, cool or otherwise. I did buy a new telephone system, since the battery on our current phone has a life span of about four seconds. Plus, one of the handsets has mysteriously disappeared, which I am sure was the result of cosmic forces. The clerk was ringing me up, and when I told her that I was using a debit card, she kindly told me that her register did not ring up debit cards and directed me toward a different register. When I got there, the clerk suggested I pay for the phones at the register I had just returned from, as there was apparently commission involved. I appreciate (a) the first clerk not making the commission an issue and (b) the second clerk trying to help a co-worker out. I walked out to my car to get my checkbook so that I could pay at the commission register. Nothing to do with a cool trash can. Just thought I’d share.
After several hours of shopping, I told Parker that it did not look like we were going to find a cool trash can. He was a little disappointed, but he handled it in a very mature fashion. “Maybe they have them at PetSmart.” I told him they do not have cool trash cans at PetSmart. He countered with, “Yes, but they have cool animals at PetSmart.” Hard to beat that logic.
My wife and I have decided that the best solution is probably to buy a white trash can and decorate it with a big sticker. Hopefully, I can find a sticker of Spider-Man. Playing football. For Alabama.