Christmas time

Wow, just about a week left. No time like the present (Ha! Get it? Present!) for some random Christmas thoughts:
• Familiar with the Elf on a Shelf? Concept seems pretty neat to me: It’s a small elf that Santa sits down to keep an eye on everyone in the house. Each night, he flies back to the North Pole to report on everyone’s behavior and then flies back to a different spot, which the kids then search for each morning. I asked the kids if they wanted an Elf on a Shelf. Parker said yes. Allie said, “Uh, I don’t think we need that.” This is the child who, one night before Easter, asked us if the Easter Bunny could leave her basket on the porch, as she really did not want a giant bunny coming in her room. I think I need to stop reading her Stephen King bedtime stories.
• All of the lights are up, and I have sworn off adding any more. My neighborhood gets pretty well decorated, and my cul-de-sac is especially festively bright. How bright, you ask? I replaced my outdoor flood lights the other night when I thought they had both burned out. Turns out, the Christmas lights were bright enough to fool the sensor. Awesome.
• We continued our tradition of getting a real tree this year. By my count, we are one of 11 families in the country that still gets a real tree, which makes it all the more curious as to why it took us four stops to find the right one. I always want to go for the real one because I absolutely love the smell and the feel of a real one. Plus, the chance for a repeat of the cat versus Christmas tree battle from several years ago is worth it.
• You know what I love most about Christmas shopping? The fact that several years ago, my wife told me that a standing birthday present for me would be to have the Christmas shopping done before Thanksgiving. That, my friends, is the gift that never stops giving.
• Do you know what happens when you step on a plastic Smurfette on your way to the bathroom at 4 in the morning? You say things that will get you on the naughty list. And apparently, that crime is worse than the crime of leaving said Smurfette on the floor. At the very least, the Elf could have helped her up before he went to the North Pole.
• I heard on the radio an environmentally friendly way to wrap presents, and that is not to wrap them at all. Instead, the person said, hide the presents all around the house and have kids go find them. While that may be well and good, this brings the distinct possibility of uncovering a Transformer stashed under an end table about 11 years later. Additionally, without wrapping paper, I would not be able to periodically shout, “NO WRAPPING PAPER IN THE FIRE!!!” a time-honored tradition handed down from my father. I cannot wait until Parker can yell it at his own house.
• Now is the time of year when people start asking me what I am getting my wife. I think I am just going to start coming up with insanely off-the-wall things so that people will leave me alone. In the past, I have responded, “Well, we usually give each other a few small items, and some years go in on something for ourselves, such as a TV or a trip or something.” To that, people often respond, “Oh, she SAYS that she doesn’t want a big gift, but she REALLY wants a diamond/gold bracelet/date with Brad Pitt.” And like birthdays and anniversaries and all other gift-giving holidays, I have to say, “No, I know my wife well, and we have our gifting system rather defined and blah blah blah.” So, to avoid that, let’s go ahead and get it out there: This year, for Christmas, I am getting my wife a gold and diamond encrusted date with Brad Pitt.
• That is all for now. (Guess I will ... wait for it ... wrap it up! Ha! OK, I’ll stop.) Hope your final week of Christmas preparation is merry and fun. And never forget what this season is all about – keeping wrapping paper out of the fire.