The princess diary

White dress. Fancy shoes. Tiara. Wow, did I look pretty.
Ha! Kidding, of course. It was my daughter, decked out in her favorite princess attire for a recent princess party. The princess party came about as a result of a charity auction we attended a while back. My folks and my in-laws teamed up to bid on the party, which would bring her and her princess friends together for an afternoon of very princessly activities.
Allie is very much in the princess stage, as is required by the Federal Disney Regulation, which states, “Any girl between the ages of 4 and 7 must at all times be within the presence of no fewer than 41,000 princesses. And not those cut-rate generic princess. Real, licensed Disney princesses. Failure to comply will result in forced ostracism and future therapy bills taller than Cinderella’s castle.”
We are certainly in compliance. We have princess plates, princess pictures, princess toys. Even the occasional princess son, which I have tried to talk to my daughter about, but find it difficult when my son is saying, “NOOOOO!!!! ME PLAY PRINCESS!!!” And most times, when I try and convince him that it would be far better to play fireman or space ranger or Hugh Hefner, he runs from the room, princess dress trailing behind him. But that’s an issue for another day.
So we are very into princesses in my house. When we told Allie about the princess party, she was very excited and showed this by not sleeping for 23 days and only saying, “Is it time for my princess party? Is it time for my princess party? Is it time for my princess party?”
Eventually, the day arrived. Donned in a perfect princess outfit, she joined 11 of her friends at a bed and breakfast, where they were greeted by four different beauty queens, including Miss Aiken County. Now, perhaps you are not a 5-year-old girl. And perhaps you have never been one. Allow me to equate this. To a 5-year-old girl, entering a room and being greeted by Miss Aiken County is comparable to my entering a room and being greeted by Joe Montana. (Granted, I doubt Miss Aiken County could have hit that pass to Dwight Clark, so I claim a slight edge.)
Once the princesses were seated, the Fairy Godmother made her entrance. And I can say that for 11 of the girls, the Fairy Godmother was an instant treat. And for one of them, it was a reason to run crying from the room. Eventually, after several of us chased Allie down the block, we coaxed her to return. I am not sure why, but she has always gotten frightened at the silliest things. Well, I consider them silly. My wife generally thinks I am being insensitive. I still maintain “Wallace and Grommit” is only slightly more frightening than a piece of carpet fuzz.
When Allie got back in, Fairy Godmother did whisper something in her ear, and Allie seemed calmed by it. (Granted, she may have said, “Sit down and behave and your Dad will buy you a car when you’re 12.”) They proceeded to play some games and sing some songs with the Fairy Godmother, including the chicken dance. If you have never seen a gaggle of 5-year-olds do the chicken dance, I highly recommend it. It looks like a giant octopus having a seizure.
After the games, the girls sat for their princess cakes. One nice thing about a 5-year-old princess is that certain table manners can be placed aside during such events as cake, meaning the girls were free to eat as though it was their first meal in days, and they only had 15 seconds to eat.
Next up was the princess lessons. Two of the beauty queens gave all of the princesses lessons on how to wave, walk, sit, etc. During the wave lessons, I drew some curious glances when I blurted out, “Elbow, elbow, wrist, wrist.” I am not sure why I know that or why I felt the need to share it. I promised my wife an answer soon.
The party concluded with a horse-drawn carriage ride, which I added a little excitement to by running alongside and screaming, “OHMIGOSH!!! IT’S TURNING INTO A PUMPKIN!!! JUMP!!!” OK, I would never do that. Not with my wife AND mother watching.
In the end, the party was a great success, and I am not sure how we will top it. Unless we can get Joe Montana.