Talking 'bout my generation

I want the 80s back.
I’m not trying to be one of those people. You know, the ones who bark that their generation is the only generation to make a lick of difference in the world. Sure, plenty of generations did, in fact, make a big difference in the world. But it wasn’t me and my fellow children of the 80s. While teens of other generations fought wars, led cultural revolutions, or were the poster children for modern medical breakthroughs, me and my fellow 80s kids, well, wore bad clothes and listened to bad music. Change was not our strong suit. Bad taste was.
So I apologize in advance if I am overreacting the recent surge in popularity of “80s parties.” For those of you not familiar with them, it’s when people get together, wear clothes reminiscent of the 1980s, maybe throw in “Breakfast Club” and crank up some Men at Work or Spandau Ballet. Seems harmless enough, right?
Wrong. You see, for those of from the 80s, all we have is our memories. We don’t have lasting cultural change. The big sweeping impacts that were courtesy of the 80s came from adults. (Specifically, I credit/blame the adults for cocaine, AIDS and Jim and Tammy Faye Bakker.) The fact that one of the lasting footprints from our generation is the Rubik’s cube can tell you we weren’t exactly upending the world.
The 80s were my formative years. In 1984, my sisters went to see Duran Duran, Men at Work, Culture Club and Hall & Oates in concert. (My parents were cruel, so I had to hang out with my dad outside of the concert, and wait until the ticket takers were no longer caring. I saw the end of some great concerts.) For you young folks who love 80s bashes now, you might think that’s just absolutely retro to see those bands. For those of you older than I, you are wondering what in the world a Duran Duran is. Well, excuse me for not having the Beatles or Elvis during my youth. We played the cards we were dealt, and those cards included Soft Cell and a-ha.
Again, I know you are wondering why it would bother me that someone would latch on to my generation. And the reasoning is simple -- because despite our quaintness, we were a historically lame generation. The 1960s and 1970s have always been popular retro decades, and the people from those generations are certainly secure enough in their place in cultural character not to care if you go wear bell bottoms. But for crying out loud, these people made it into the history books, while we made it into “The Wedding Singer.”
I guess I just don’t see why our 1980s and our “Weird Science” attachments have to be shared. You’ve got your own decade. Were the 90s so bad that you have to revert to Jams, Members Only and white Topsiders?
When you delve a little deeper into my unfortunate psyche, I think you will find another reason that I am a little territorial when it comes to the 80s is my resemblance to one of the more recognizable faces of the 1980s to my generation, Anthony Michael Hall. While I may not look a lot like him now, my high school yearbook photo could have been a publicity still from “Sixteen Candles.” I was Farmer Ted. (Note to those of you who have not seen “Sixteen Candles”: Farmer Ted was the character played by Hall, and is listed in the credits simply as “The Geek.”) Sadly, when I say I was Farmer Ted, I mean I WAS Farmer Ted. I had a shirt in high school with it on the back. There was no escaping it. I was..The Geek.
So all I am saying is give us back our little slice of nonhistory. We tried to make a major impact on the world, but we were too stinking busy buying Swatches and watching little kids get pulled out of wells. We didn’t bring a lot of important change to the world, and for that, we’re sorry. All we did is produce bad music, garish clothing and the occasional good sports highlight (here I am thinking The Catch).
I am sure the 1990s had plenty of things you can latch on to. Heck, my youth spilled over into the 90s, and so I know there are plenty of things as cultural insignificant as the 80s to latch onto. Look hard. You can find them. Make them yours. You’ll be proud that you did. Andthen protect it from those kids of the 00s.