Idontwanna hear Iwanna

I have banned the “Iwannas.”
No, not the want-ad magazines. You are free to shop for a used car. But you are not allowed to tell me over and over and over how much you want an Iwanna, which would amount to saying “Iwanna Iwanna” over and over. Follow me? No?
The problem has arisen because my children have taken to adding “Iwanna” as major parts of their vocabulary.
Case study No. 1: The Zaxby’s incident. We were heading home the other day, and I asked the kids what they wanted for lunch. Allie said, “Iwanna go to Zaxby’s.” I told her that we were going to eat at home, as our last 423 meals had been at Chick-fil-A and Zaxby’s, and I was fairly certain we were about to turn into chickens. For the duration of the car ride home, I was informed that a Zaxby’s destination was desired. Again. And again. And again.
At this point, there are a couple of options:
1. Announce that not only are we not going to Zaxby’s, we are never going to Zaxby’s again, and in fact, we are not even allowed to have Z words in the house anymore, so your brother has to get rid of his plastic zebras.
2. Clench the steering wheel tightly, lean forward, staring intently at the road, until you pull in the garage, get out of the van, walk inside, find your wife and say, “Yours.”
I opted for No. 2, which I am sure made her consider packing up the kids and going to Zaxby’s, just for chuckles.
Later that day, when the dust settled, I sat down with my children and informed them that the Iwannas were going to have to go. I then had them watch “Apocalypse Now” for perspective on how good their lives really are.
Ha! Little war movie humor. I would never have them watch that. It was “Full Metal Jacket.”
Just as bad, of course, are the “Idontwannas.”
Case study No. 2: I was getting ready to take Parker to school the other day. I told him to get his lunch box out of the fridge. He slumped his head, groaned and said, “Ohhh ... Idontwanna ...”
Now, keep in mind the laborious efforts that go into getting a lunch:
1. Opening the fridge
2. Grabbing a Transformers lunch box
3. Closing the fridge
And that effort gives you lunch, with a Fruit Roll-Up, thank you very much. Seems a small amount of effort for lunch. But the instinctive “Idontwanna” kicks in, and he doesn’t even stop to think, “Wow, I am spending more energy with this little display than I would actually getting my lunch.”
Don’t get me wrong. My kids are good kids, and they are, fortunately, not chronic whiners. Sure, they have their moments, but my wife says that I do, too, which I think is completely untrue, but I allow her to say it because it makes her feel better. I have never, ever shown a bad mood or whiny nature, and if I did, could it possibly, just possibly, be because I was tired? Or hungry? Or just generally fussy? Can’t a guy have a bad day!?!?!
Oh, wait, got sidetracked.
So we are going to work on the Iwannas and Idontwannas, especially as we head into the holiday season. It is very important for my children to grow up appreciative of what they have. It’s not that we live like kings, but I do want my children to be thankful for what they have and understand that you won’t get everything you want in life, and that’s not only OK, but pretty much a law of nature. I think each day, I need to remind them how important it is that they value things. I think I will follow them around saying “Idontwanna hear any more Iwannas.”
Michael Gibbons is the managing editor of the Aiken Standard.