A message 2 U, txter

It's not often I yell at my fellow motorists. I don't do this because my wife is from Atlanta, and she has convinced me that every other motorist is armed and has a short fuse and an itchy trigger finger.

I normally take a different approach when someone upsets me while driving. I squeeze the steering wheel as tight as I can and check the rearview mirror to see if my kids are in the backseat, at which point I then select my words for my commentary that makes me feel better but that stays in the car with me.

But not the other day. I had to. I couldn't take it. I rolled down my window and shouted, loudly, "Quit texting. You have a kid in your car!!!"

As I see too often, someone was cruising down the road, two hands happily typing away a message, one no doubt layered in misspellings, typos or idiotic abbreviations about a topic that is one of the most time sensitive and globally important of all time ("Goin 2Nite? Me 2. LOL!!!")

But this woman upped the ante by having a small child strapped in a car seat in the backseat. And it made me mad. So I yelled. And she sped up. I figured she just didn't hear me, so I pulled up and again told her to quit texting. She gave me a look that implied her next text would be about me and what she thought of me.

So, dear ma'am, I say to you this: I don't know you. I don't know if that was your kid or your nephew or what. But I do know that you had one single goal when you were operating that vehicle, and it was not to send some message via cell phone. It was to drive safely. And I am willing to bet you my house that were you not texting someone directions on the next step of a life-saving surgery. And if you were, pull over.

I'm not trying to sound like some old fuddy duddy. I have an iPhone, and it's the single greatest invention I have ever owned (and I own a Chill Wizard, which can make a warm beer ice cold in under a minute - it's THAT awesome).

And my iPhone is a great companion on the road. I actually find myself rooting for red lights, as it gives me a chance to do very important things such as getting on Facebook to see what "Sex and the City" character someone most resembles. And I am plenty versed in texting. And I also know how to drive. And the two can exist separately, and the world continues to exist. Amazing.

The argument is often made that it's distracted driving in general that is a problem, not just texting. But texting is in a unique category. If you're say, eating a hamburger, you're physically occupied. But you can still have your eyes on the road.

If you're texting, your eyes are off the road, your brain is off the road and your hands are off the steering wheel. You are asking to plow into the back of someone or over someone.

I am sure plenty of you out there are going to tell me that you are the exception. You're special. You can text no problem. And to that I say, you're not special, you're not the exception, because unless you have a second set of arms and eyes, when you are texting, you are not even on the map of safe driving.

I remember one time when I saw someone reading a book when he was driving. Pretty much everyone except for that person said, "Wow, bad idea, dude." Yet texting seems to be this driving pastime that's just accepted by some folks. Well, quit accepting it.

I know folks get grumbly when you talk about adding new laws on top of things. But I personally would love to see a texting-while-driving law. And it would read: "If you text and drive, you never get to use your phone or car again. Ever. And if there is a child in the car, it's ever times four."

Seriously, folks - there are enough stop lights in the world to send your inane little comments about pointless things when you're standing still. Text away until your thumbs are falling off. Just do it when you're not rolling down the street. Trust me, your friend can wait a few minutes to find out where you are Goin 2Nite.