The mean dad

Apparently, I am a mean father. I base this on a co-worker’s comment, who hinted at this by saying, “You’re a mean father.”
To her, not letting one of your children sleep and leaving the other stuck in a tree constitutes being mean.
Well, I guess when you phrase it like that, I do not come across as exactly father of the year. But delve deeper, and you will see that I am not as awful as some believe.
Parker and I had been out cruising the town, running a few errands. In case you ever feel that you are going to the store and not identifying enough merchandise to purchase, I will let you borrow Parker. He will point out tons of stuff you missed and that you really “NEEEEEEDDDDD!!!”
Anyhow, I decided to stop into work for a minute. As I was pulling in, I glanced in the rear view mirror and saw that Parker was fast asleep. And that is not allowed.
I pulled into the parking lot and began tickling his feet and calling his name loudly. Over and over. Until he makes this scrunched-up looking face and glares at me through squinty, angry eyes. We then have this conversation:
ME: Wake up.
PARKER: I’m not asleep.
ME: You were.
PARKER: No I wasn’t.
ME: Then why were you eyes closed.
PARKER: My eyes were asleep. I was awake.
Tough to argue with this. But I continued to pester him to make sure he was good and awake. And why would I do such a thing, you ask? Because I think sleep deprivation is hilarious!
OK, that’s not it at all. The reason is because I want him to go bed before midnight, and if he takes a nap, you can forget about a normal bedtime. When I got into work, he was still a little cross with me, and even tried to nap on someone’s desk. I tickled him some more, and he gave this sad look as if he were the most mistreated child in the world, which of course some suckers buy into. Well, I’m no sucker, and when all the “Awwwws” start kicking in, I quickly inform them that I will let him nap, if they will plan to come over to the house and sit with him for the rest of the evening. I have yet to have anyone take me up on that.
But anyone who has tried to wean a child off of naps knows that it’s not easy, and you do feel like a bit of a heel doing it. But you have to do it. And even if they get tired during what used to be naptime, they snap out of it pretty quick. (I find two sodas and a bag of Oreos does the trick.) And when The Dude gets to bed at a decent hour, he gets a better night’s sleep. I’m not mean. I’m practical.
The other incident that labeled me as a mean dad was when I told someone about my daughter getting stuck in a tree. We have a big weeping willow in our backyard, and she has been eyeing this tree for years, hoping to climb up to a little crook in it where you can sit on a branch. Finally big enough to tackle it, she set off on her mission and, after a couple of failed attempts, was able to complete the ascent to the branch. Now, mind you, this branch was about four or five feet off the ground. It was low enough we could high five on her climb.
So she sat up there for a few minutes taunting her brother. “Hey, Parker, guess what – I can climb and YOUUUUUU CAN’T!!!!” That was followed by ducking to avoid a tennis ball. Ah, siblings.
So after a while, she called over to me. “Daddy, can you help me get down.”
I was quick to respond. “Of course not.”
She looked at me with a rather stunned expression. Daddies are supposed to help their kids out of jams, right? Well, sometimes. But not this time. So we had this conversation:
ME: Allie, you tried so hard to climb that tree, and you finally did it. Didn’t that feel good?
ALLIE: Yeah...
ME: But that’s only half the process. You have to learn to climb down, too. Won’t that feel good if you learn that!
ALLIE: No. Get me down, Daddy.
Because I believe that tree climbing is one of the basic rites of passage of children, I went on to explain to her that I knew she could do it, and she would need to have the tree descent knowledge for future tree climbing excursions. She was prepared for that. “But I don’t want to climb this tree again.”
I wouldn’t budge. I even told her that I was fairly certain no child had ever had to grow up in a tree because of an inability to climb down.
Now, I know you may be thinking that I am cruel and was maybe even putting my daughter in danger of falling and hurting herself. And you would be wrong. She has about the same descent getting out of bed in the morning. I went about my business in the backyard, and about eight seconds later she said, “DADDY!!!! I DID IT!!!” By “it” she meant climbed higher, necessitating a call to the fire department.
Ha! Kidding. She was down on the ground, and was pleased as punch at her accomplishment. In fact, she was excited enough that she did climb the tree over and over, and I did not have to assist her in getting down at all.
So you see, at first blush, what may sound like me being mean is actually my way of making better people out of my kids. Life is full of challenges, and I am here to help them be prepared for them. Imagine, as adults, how well adjusted they will be when they are at a job interview and need to stay awake or climb down from a tree. I’m building for the future.