A case of the threes

I’m no doctor, but I think I can confidently diagnose my son’s current illness: Parker has a terrible case of the threes.
It is quite a change from the Parker we are used to. I was going back through some old columns, and found some snippets I wrote about Parker, and compare them to the Parker of today.

May 2004 — “He very rarely gets upset. We’re talking about a kid who, when he got a shot one time, stared at the nurse and ripped the Band-Aid off. The boy is solid.”
Getting upset is one of his hobbies now. And we know that he’s faking it, since he turns it on and off like a faucet. Can’t have a snack? WAAAA!!! Can’t have a toy? WAAAA!!! Can’t use Daddy’s power drill? WAAAA!!! Everyone’s left the room? Silence. Sneaky rascal.
So we combat this by not acknowledging the ridiculous tantrums. Sometimes, sure, he has legitimate gripes. (I would be upset if my sister put lollipops in my hair.) But for the most part, when he’s going on and on about nothing, we just, well, ignore him. My wife and I have no problem having a nice conversation about our day as Parker sits on the ground wailing “I...WANT...A...HORSE!!!!”

March 2004 — “Parker has this routine to go to sleep: (1) He waits until the clock strikes 7:00 (2) He drops like a narcoleptic on sleeping pills.”
Bedtime is now a super adventure. Three-year-olds are very mobile and very dexterous, meaning they are very good escape artists. You may think he’s asleep. You may think he’s down for the count. But then you turn around and find him standing in the middle of a kitchen saying, “Me want a bath.” You explain to him that he just had a bath, to which he responds, “NO!! A JUICE BOX!!!” It’s very hard to reason with this.
He also plays a game of parental tennis, in which he begs for Mommy, who takes him, at which point he immediately begs for Daddy, who takes him, at which point he immediately begs for the dog, who wisely pretends not to hear us.

February 2004 — “When it comes to Parker being a picky eater, there is more chance that Parker will be named starting center for the San Antonio Spurs this season.”
These days, regardless of what you feed him, he will want something else. And that “something else” is usually whatever is on his sister’s plate, even if it is the same thing. My wife and I make a point of not making Allie cave to every one of her brother’s requests, because there’s not reason she should have to give up something constantly just to avoid a temper tantrum from Parker. Or is there...wait, never mind. Bad precedent.

So here we are, a raging case of the threes swooping over the house. I know some of you out there are thinking that we should be bringing down the discipline hammer or be more firm with our decisions. And I am sure that most of you who say that do not, currently, have three-year olds. The thing is, he’s still, for the most part a really sweet kid. He’s a very huggy kid, and still has times where he just wants to curl up in your lap and snuggle with you. Every child goes through the stages of trying to find his boundaries and see how far he can get with the power of stubbornness.
My wife and I are trying differing approaches to weather the storm. And if this is the worst we have to deal with, it’s a breeze. Children being children is nothing to sweat. Sometimes, when he is sprawled in the middle of the floor wailing about, say, wanting to go swimming at 8:00 at night when it’s 40 degrees outside, I will get on the floor with him and wail about what I want (it’s usually a Corvette). He finds that absolutely hysterical. Similarly, when he is in the middle of refusing to eat, I will start eating his dinner. Usually only a bite or two into it, his primal instincts kick in and he shoves most of a peanut butter sandwich in his mouth.
His sister went through her trying times, too, and I am sure that there will be more. (I have been told that being the parent of a teenager is nature’s way of making sure you have no qualms about sending them off to college.) I am sure before we know it, he’ll be through this stage. A raging case of the threes does cure up on its own, usually when they acquire a case of the fours...